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Saturday, July 20, 2013

An aggressive woman

I really don't like it when people don't like me, or judge me about something I can't even imagine. I always notice when I'm ignored, dissed, or distanced. And I just can't tolerate it so I have to do something. For  instance if someone has a poor opinion of me or doesn't trust me the first thing I try to do is clarify the situation. Did I just imagine it? Did they really ignore me and turn their shoulders to exclude me? Clarifying  a "yes" like that does not make the situation any better. I try to be nice and friendly, sometimes  I make a joke. People who don't like you never think your jokes are funny, and people who don't like you never appreciate your friendly gestures. If someone quite unfairly dislikes you no matter how nice and perfectly wonderful you are it is very hard to change that. Especially if you can't accept it in the first place.

 That's one reason why people might think I'm aggressive woman: Because i press on despite unfavorable social conditions. That's seen as aggressive. Honestly  everyone is free to dislike me. Everyone is free to judge me however unfairly and if I can't accept this then I can't change it. It is really hard for a shy and timid person to be disliked. Especially because it is hard for me to reach out and be friendly in the first place. But I don't like to be ignored. 

So I got a new haircut yesterday I told the stylist that I had just had just been ignored and I wanted a haircut that would help me not to be ignored. This was difficult to say, and to admit to this new stylist who I've never seen before, but she didn't even blink. She piled up my hair up in the back and said we could make the angle a lot sharper by cutting it short or in the back, "see now you have a lot more going on back there." I gave her the okay. We even talked about adding a blue streak. I think I'll wait and see if haircut has any effect, and if need another boost I'll add the blue streak. 

The other reason people might think I'm an aggressive woman Is because I'm managing to accomplish many things great and small during my day in the face of many obstacles. I'm focused on my goals, whether it's picking up some milk, or getting an agent for my novel. I'm charging through life catching spilling milk as it falls and pressing the answer buzzer just in time for my little treat of accomplishment.  I've got my game but no one else is playing.

 I can get very angry when I'm ignored but I like to keep my cool, I don't want to make myself sick, that would ruin my game. So I bought this homeopathic spray for anger you just spray a couple sprays under your tongue and it is supposed to temporarily relieve symptoms of anger such as explosive outbursts, feelings of hostility, restless and irritability. It hasn't helped my irritability one bit. I'm not sure if it has helped as far as explosive outbursts are concerned either. I flipped out in the AT&T store Recently while trying to return this hotspot gizmo that was supposed to make it possible for us to have Internet in the yurt. It did not work with my older laptop though. And they wanted to charge me a $35.00 restocking fee! And even if I was willing to let them take advantage of me financially, they still insisted on sucking up all my time on this, my day off, in this dreadful AT&T store! This transaction was moving like molasses. That's how I ended up buying my ipad. i threw my credit card across the counter in angry frustration and had to go back around to the other side of the counter to find it. Oh my God i thought now i've gone and lost my credit card. I've flipped out in a Verizon store too. That was even worse, I was afraid the police would take me away, I would have a nervous break down, or both.  

But maybe it would have been worse if I hadn't taken a couple of anti anger sprays under the tongue earlier  that day.Who knows what might happened. The spray comes with a money back guarantee and you can bet I'm gonna call and ask for my money back. i totally can not let go of my anger about the fact that this homeopathic anger spray did not work.  

I was so angry that I hadn't read the directions on the bottle, or the little pamphlet inside the box. There was a list of questions and answers and one of the questions was "What is the worst thing I can do when taking a homeopathic medicine?" The answer to this was "not follow the directions. This is work you must spray twice under the tongue three times a day. You must be consistent about this over a period of time for it to work." 

 So just as I was right about to make the phone call for the money back guarantee I thought to myself maybe I should just try using it according to the directions. I sprayed twice under the tongue and made a note to myself to do this again at lunch and before bed. It's been three days now I'm not sure if it's working but I haven't had any major outbursts. I did dream last night though, that a friend of mine was having trouble with AT&T over the phone, and he said to them I think you better talk with Alice Eckles and handed the phone to me.

I bought this hat today. It's cheaper than skin cancer I rationalized.

1 comment:

  1. OMGosh, Alice! This SO touched me! AND I had no intent of being on the computer or checking your blog, just a whim (and a tired back from chores)... I REALLY want to get some spray! Hook me up, Girlfriend!